Short Greeks

The article was written by Mike Royko, and appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer in the early 70’s.

Mike Royko was a Chicago-based syndicated columnist whose column was carried by the Philadelphia Inquirer. He passed away early 1977.

Why short Greeks succeed – by Mike Royko

The moment we sat down for lunch, I knew it was a mistake. It was one of those cute new Yuppie-poo restaurants, with ferns and a menu that listed calories.

I knew it was an even bigger mistake when five minutes passed before the busboy dropped the silver-ware and napkins in front of us.

About 10 minutes later, I snared a waitress as she was hurrying by and asked: “Is there any chance we can see a menu?

She flung down a couple of menus and rushed off. About five minutes later, she was back for the orders.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “We’re shorthanded. One of the girls didn’t show up today.”

When she finally brought the food it wasn’t what I had ordered.

“There are some problems in the kitchen”, she said. “We have a new cook.”

“Never mind,” I said, “I’ll eat it, whatever it is. But what about the beer?”

“Oh, I forgot, you wanted a beer.,” she said. The beer arrived just in time to wash down the last bite of sandwich.

When she brought the check, which was wrong because she charged me for what I ordered instead of what I got, I asked: “Who runs this place?” .

“The manager?” she said. “He’s in the end booth having lunch.”

On the way out, I stopped at the manager’s booth. He was a Yuppie in a business suit. He and a clone were leisurely sipping their coffee and looking at a computer printout.

“Nice place you have here,” I lied. “Do you-own it?

The young man shook his head. It was owned’ by one of those big corporations that operates restaurants in far-flung office buildings and health clubs.

He also proudly told me that he had recently left college with a degree in restaurant and hotel management

That explained it all. His waitresses were short handed, his cook was goofing up the orders, the customers were fuming, and what was he doing?

He was having lunch. Or, as he’d probably say, he was doing lunch.

I don’t want to be an alarmist, but when this nation collapses, he, and those like him will be the cause.

First, we had the MBA – especially the Harvard graduate with a Master of Business Administration degree – who came along after World War 11 and took over American industry.

With his bottom-line approach, the MBA did such a brilliant job that the Japanese might soon buy the whole country and evict us.

But we’re told not to worry. Now that we don’t manufacture as much as we used to, we’ll be saved by the growing service industry.

The problem is that the service industry is being taken over by people like the restaurant manager and his corporation.

They go to college and study service. Then they install computers programmed for service. And they have meetings and look at service charts and graphs and talk about service.

But what they don’t do is provide service. That’s because they are not short Greeks.

You probably wonder what that means. – I’ll explain.

If that corporation expects the, restaurant to succeed, it should fire the young restaurant-hotel degree holder. Or demote him to cleaning the washrooms.

It should then go to my friend Sam Sianis, who owns the Billy Goat Tavern, and say: “Do you know a short Greek who- wants to manage a restaurant?”

Sam will say: “Shoo. I send you; one my cousins. Jus’ got here from old country.

Then he’d go to Greek Town and tell his cousin, who works as waiter, that his big chance had come.

When the next lunch hour rolled around, and a waitress failed to show for work, Sam’s cousin would not sit down to do lunch. He would put on’ an apron and wait tables himself.

If the cook goofed up orders, sam’s cousin would go into the kitchen, pick up a cleaver, and say “You want I keel you?”

He wouldn’t know how to read a computer printout, but he’d get drinks in the glasses, food on the table, and money in the cash register.

That simple approach is why restaurants run by short Greeks stay in business and rake money. And why restaurants that are run by corporations and managed by young men who are educated beyond their intelligence come and go. And mostly go.

So, if you are ever approached by a stockbroker who wants to sell you shares in any of the giant service corporations, tell him not to bother showing you the annual report. just ask him one question.

“Is it run by short Greeks?”

If he says no, leave your money under the mattress.

 

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